Never Again

Sarah Davies

Description

Dr. Sarah Davies draws from her clinical expertise, largely gained from working with individuals at her Harley Street practice in London, as well as from her personal experiences with narcissistic abuse, to put together this practical guide to understanding and moving on from toxic relationships.If youhave experienced narcissistic abuseand want to avoid a repeat experience,Never Again - moving on from narcissistic abuse and other toxic relationshipscan help you to: Learn about Narcissism &identifyNarcissistic Abuse Developtools and coping strategies including emotional regulation, mindfulness and grounding techniques Learn a range of practical tips andtools to break thecycle of abuse. Learn a4-step refocus tool helpingyou to move onmore quickly Work on your self-esteem, values, self-compassion and forgiveness Address any unhelpful thinking or beliefs that may be holding you back Learn about trauma and narcissistic abuse and how tomanage emotional overwhelm or distress Learn about healthy boundaries and how to hold them Develop clearer, healthier communicationIn this newbook, Dr. Davies shows readers how to identify narcissistic abuse, but also the tools needed tomove on and potentially end destructive relationship patterns once and for all.

Sujets

• Domestic violence

Informations

• Publié par: Troubador Publishing Ltd
• Date de parution: 16 mars 2019
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781838598877
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 3 Mo

Extrait

Never Again
Moving On from Narcissistic Abuse and Other Toxic Relationships
Dr. Sarah Davies
Copyright © 2019 Dr Sarah Davies

The moral right of the author has been asserted.

Apart from any fair dealing for the purposes of research or private study, or criticism or review, as permitted under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988, this publication may only be reproduced, stored or transmitted, in any form or by any means, with the prior permission in writing of the publishers, or in the case of reprographic reproduction in accordance with the terms of licences issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency. Enquiries concerning reproduction outside those terms should be sent to the publishers.

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ISBN 9781838598877

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Disclaimer:
The examples, anecdotes and experiences in this book are adapted and drawn from a combination of research, clinical work and personal experience. Names, details and identifying features have been changed and some examples are created and used for demonstration purposes. The book is written and published for information purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose or treat or to replace medical or psychiatric advice. No liability can be accepted for any loss or injury incurred in the information provided.



A special thank you to all the people I have worked with who have inspired with their bravery, resilience and self-belief and who have encouraged me to write this book. This book is dedicated to all those who find the strength, courage and humility to face narcissistic abuse and take the steps to grow, recover and move on… however painful, difficult or frightening that may be at times. You are an inspiration and may you continue to grow and shine.
Contents
1. Coming to Terms with having a narcissist in your life.
2. Narcissus and Echo - the tragedy
3. What is narcissism?
4. What is Narcissistic Abuse?
5. Relational Dynamics - The Drama Triangle
6. Fantasy vs Reality - Keeping it real
7. Your secret weapon - Arm yourself with information
8. Spotting the signs - become an expert narcissist spotter
9. A Perfect Match
10. Considering the origins of attraction
11. Survive, Drive, Thrive
12. Spotting the signs - Part 2 (It’s an inside job)
13. The Process of Recovery
14. Foundations for Recovery - Emotional Regulation Techniques
15. How to change how you feel by changing what you think
16. Foundations for Recovery - Boundaries
17. Mastering Healthy Boundaries
18. Communicating with a narcissist
19. Compassion & Forgiveness - Softening our inner self-talk
20. The Grief Process
21. Trauma & Narcissistic Abuse
22. Gratitude and Acknowledgement
23. Advice for Friends & Family…
24. Moving on…

Epilogue - The Scorpion and the Frog
References & Further Reading
1. Coming to Terms with having a narcissist in your life.
No doubt, if you are reading this book it’s because you already have some interest in, or awareness of narcissism. If you are reading this book because you have experienced being in a relationship with a narcissist or have experienced narcissistic abuse then I would suggest that an important fundamental first step in recovery from this kind of abuse is to understand more about the nature of narcissism. What it looks like, what it sounds like, the origins of narcissistic traits and so on… The first few chapters will cover an overview of this. This book does not focus mostly on the narcissist though. After an overview of narcissism, the focus then shifts to you and your recovery. The aim is to provide information, tips and techniques to help you manage your relationship, to break free from the narcissists spell, to learn how you can protect yourself and to avoid being negatively affected by narcissistic abuse in the future. Too much focus on the narcissist is itself a big part of the problem. Recovery starts when you begin to bring the focus back to yourself.

For many people, starting to awaken to and coming to realise that a person in their personal or professional life is a narcissist can be quite a shock. It can be the beginning of a somewhat difficult and confusing process. The aim of this book is really to help support you along this process of recovery. Some ideas and suggestions are included to help guide your recovery and healing, as well as to help ensure you are not vulnerable to experiencing narcissistic abuse again. Part of this may include developing awareness of, and perhaps starting to break any patterns of attraction to this kind of relational dynamic in the first place.

I have experienced narcissistic abuse first hand. I have walked through this recovery journey myself and now, as a Counselling Psychologist and Trauma Therapist, alongside the many clients I work with in my private practice. A large part of the clinical work I do is specialising in helping people identify, work through, manage and recover from narcissistic abuse.

Narcissism: there is a lot of it around. As humans, we naturally seek to make sense of, and ascribe meaning to our experience. Making sense of a narcissists behaviour is not always easy though, especially at the beginning. Learning what you can about narcissism, including its origins, can really help with starting to process your experience specific to narcissistic abuse. However, a word of caution… As it dawns on us that this is perhaps what we have been, or still are experiencing, there is a danger of becoming ‘stuck’ at this stage. Stuck at the stage of analytically trying to work it all out. Stuck at trying to understand why he/she/they have acted in the ways that they have. This is quite paralysing. This is a stage of desperately trying to analytically and cognitively work out and understand how or why this has happened. The questions we are often left with include:
How could this person do this? How can they be so wonderful some of the time and so cruel at other times? They were so lovely at the beginning… what happened? Did they ever really love me? Are they even capable of love? What did I do wrong? What’s wrong with me? How could they ‘switch’ so much? How can they be so venomous? Why did they do this to me? Will this ever change? How could I not see it? Why did I not listen to the warning signs? Is it my fault? Am I responsible? What did I do? and so on…
It is absolutely a normal and necessary part of the process to spend time relaying your past experiences in relation to the narcissist, trying to work through the chronology of events, as well as the progression and demise of the relationship. This is simply our minds natural inclination to want to make sense of all that has happened, to process information and to ascribe meaning to our experience. It is our minds innate mechanism to understand and process our experiences. In the quest for very human and natural sense making, you will likely want to find the clues and the answers to the many questions you may have. This is completely understandable and very much a part of the early stages of recovery. It aids to some extent, coming to terms with narcissistic abuse. It can also be very helpful for us to learn from. We may look back and recognise in hindsight the signs and the clues that were there… The snidey comments, the missed dates, the inconsistencies, the ‘hooks’, the lies, the jealousy, the selfishness, the inconsiderations, the ‘gaslighting’ and more… This is all helpful and very much an important part of the recovery process. Many people in the shock and trauma of narcissistic abuse find themselves locked on for hours relaying and thinking this through. To some extent this is a normal, expected and an essential part of the process. However, at some point, it is really important to recognise the difficult fact that, in reality, y ou may never have the answers to all your questions . And the simple reason for this is because:

It is impossible to use logic to try and understand completely illogical actions

Nonsensical behaviour is simply what we have with any narcissist. So whilst it is important and helpful that we try and work through and seek to understand some of our experience in relation to the narcissist - ultimately we begin to come to a point where we start to reconcile that we may never know, or understand, or get the answers to the many questions we are left with. I often see people become stuck at the stage of trying to work it all out. Sometimes people are stuck there for a very long time. This is unfortunately not recovery in action. It’s being stuck in illness, obsession, analysis paralysis, shock and trauma. You cannot understand illogical people and their illogical actions with logic. Instead, in order to move on, you must begin the difficult process of reconciliation of being left with unanswered questions along with accepting all the feelings that go with that.

In reality this process can feel like a painful dance and at times, feel like a seemingly endless and horrific tango - two steps forward, two steps back… whilst wearing shoes that are two sizes too small! Please know that this is all part of the recovery process. You will probably wrestle again and again with wanting to understand and make sense of all that has happened. This is all very natural and understandable. This process in itself is necessary to some extent. There will be good days, and other times