Hey Car Driver! What Are You Like?

Andy Large

Description

Driver - Are you in this book? Passenger - read this and know your driver.Learner - Don't drive like some of these eejits.Pedestrian - Wake up and get it sorted.Be warned. Know what to look for and be aware of other drivers' potential for causing havoc.The more you look, the more you'll see.An alternative look at driving with some entertaining and slightly scary stories.It's not about good driving - it's about not driving bad.Get off the road you bums.Get out of my sight!

Sujets

• Humour

Informations

• Publié par: eBook Versions
• Date de parution: 06 juin 2019
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781843965374
• Langue: English

Extrait

Published by
Broken Diamond Publishing

Copyright © 2019 Andy Large

All rights reserved

Andy Large has asserted his right
under the Copyright, Designs and Patents
Act 1988 to be identified as the author
of this work

ISBN 978-1-84396-537-4

No part of this book may be reproduced
in any material or electronic form, including
photocopying, without written permission
from the publisher, except for the
quotation of brief passages in criticism.

Ebook production
eBook Versions
27 Old Gloucester Street
London WC1N 3AX
www.ebookversions.com
HEY
CAR DRIVER!
WHAT ARE
YOU LIKE?

Andy Large





BROKEN DIAMOND PUBLISHING
Contents


Cover
Copyright Credits

Title Page
Introduction
Acknowledgements
About Andy Large

Me Idiot - Me Poseur

Motorway Morons

Classic in Belgium 27/07/2018

Sign Language

The Flashing Fool

Blindingly Stupid

Indicator Imbecile

Mobile Ignorance - A Random Rant

Dimwit

Pathetic Pedestrians

Rubbish Drivers

The Mobile Traffic Jam

The Quick and the Stupid

The Scandinavian Dick

Beautiful - A Random Rant

A Collective Shame

Young and Stupid - Me

The Creep

Princess on Board - It s A Warning

Multi-Whinges for Eejits

You Will Not Pass

Forty Forever Freaks

Mirror, mirror

It s A Mathematical Equation:4x4=Dumbass

Classic No - Amazing YesM4 Motorway 07/08/2018

Ouch! Mobiles Can Cause Pain

Sorry

Travelling Fright - Keep Your Eyes Open

It Wears a Hat

Classic Lady - M4 07/08/2018

Oh No! It s the Worst-Case Scenario

Classic Case

Cats and Dogs - A Random Rant

Mistakes

Bums

Diary to the End

Conclusion
Introduction

The more you look, the more you ll see.
The more you observe, the safer you ll be.
Forewarned is Forearmed

With the traffic on our roads increasing each year, being more observant and giving yourself `the edge that warns you of possible danger before it becomes apparent, is more important than ever. In my opinion, many people who are sensible in all other aspects of life, change when behind the wheel. Of these, most will show tell-tale signs which you can read as a warning.

I ve found in many cases, if a driver shows one bad trait, then they probably have many and need to be watched and treated with caution on the road. This is my take on what I ve found after many years of observing events on and around our highways.

I will share stories with you and tell you of the strange warning signs that some drivers display, which show they may pose a threat to your safety on the road.
I use some bad language and maybe put offensive names on some drivers, this is because I live in the real world and use dialogue commonly used in today s society.

DRIVER - ARE YOU IN THIS BOOK?

WHAT KIND OF DRIVER ARE YOU? -

Can you handle finding out?

READ THIS BOOK AND

BEGIN TO SEE THE TRUTH -

About yourself and others!

I WANT SOME PEOPLE TO
REALISE WHAT THEY DO -

And do something about it!

If a reader feels they ve been insulted,
then I guess I ve touched
a nerve. I make no apologies
for this but hope instead
they might face facts and
become better, safer drivers,
and/or better pedestrians.
I live in hope.

DRIVER - ARE YOU IN THIS BOOK?

I ASK YOU AGAIN - Have you
the character to find out about yourself?
IF SO, READ ON!

I challenge any reader not to agree with my observations.

The conversations I recall are obviously not word for word, but they (like the described events in this book) are laid out as best I can remember and with the correct feeling and sentiment as at the time. In some instances, I ve had to change some detail to protect the innocent or otherwise.

THERE ARE ALSO A FEW
NON-DRIVING RELATED
RANDOM RANTS THROWN IN FOR FUN.

DISCLAIMER - Reader discretion
is advised -
This book contains some naughty
words and violence (but sadly no sex).
Acknowledgements


Thanks to:
Stephanie, my wonderful wife, for all the incredible help, support and patience. Without her great assistance, I could never have completed this book.
My dad Don (Lofty), for teaching me (among so many other things) to be observant, supporting me in whatever I wanted to do, and for being a great dad. I miss him every day.
My mum Anna, for support, for keeping the secret, and reading for mistakes. But most of all for being my mum.
My sister Donna, for support, proof reading and being my sister.
Stephan and Wendy Meester, for having a read, being genuinely supportive of my idea and getting me some technical advice.
Jasper and Tracy, for letting me use their story.
Murrells, for trying to keep me out of trouble.
Nige for his support.
Karen for agreeing to my mention of her late partner Flusher .
About Andy Large


I ve no formal qualifications to instruct anyone on how to drive, I offer this book as one driver to another, nothing more. With over 40 years of driving experience, I ve spent a great amount of time on the roads at all times of day and night (and still do).
I ve seen a lot: from the best to the worst in drivers; I ve had Road Rage and suffered at the hands of Road Rage.
My father started me on this route of observation. He was a soldier of the Gloucestershire Regiment ( The Glorious Glosters ), who fought in the Korean War. Shot and captured, he spent two years as a prisoner of war (POW). Upon release, he was registered as unfit for further military service and offered a medical discharge. However, with great determination, he got himself fit and later served with distinction for many years in the Special Air Service (SAS). Being observant and seeing things that others might not notice helped keep him alive. In later years he was a driving instructor.
My father taught me many things, from how to find the North Star to noticing the beauty of a bird in flight. This book came about because he taught me to observe all things.
Observation certainly helped me for the many years I did doorwork and other security work in various environments (pubs, nightclubs, music festivals, biker events etc). It helped me in reading people and situations; dealing with them before they could develop into a bigger problem.
I use the same hazard perception skills to read and respond to other drivers behaviour.
At complete odds to my life in security work and for much of my working life, I was a financial advisor. This entailed many years of driving all over the country. I had clients from Carlisle to Kent, from Carmarthen to Cromer.
I know some will read this and label me as a self-righteous, self-opinionated, know-it-all driver who thinks he is better than all others. If any wish to think that, then I will accept that if it pleases. I also accept there are many good drivers on our roads, and many I m sure that are better than me.
However, I do think I m more observant than most and can spot driver traits which alert me to possible dangers, traits which other drivers might not see. Or they do see, but don t recognise as danger warnings.
As you will see, I myself have been guilty of some of the areas covered in the book.
Me Idiot - Me Poseur

Poseur: A person who behaves
affectedly to impress others


As you are about to embark upon reading this book, you ll find (as I said in the introduction) that I like to put names and monikers on people. So, I thought it only fair to show that I ve made mistakes and I ve given myself a few well-earned names because of my own stupidity. You ll find some stories along the way that give testament to this - I ll start with a tale from my earliest days of driving.
I passed my car driving test in 1978 at the age of seventeen and my first car was a light blue 1966 Fiat 850. It had been my mother s car and had been given to me when I was 17 as promised, on the agreement that I wouldn t get a motorbike (sorry mum, I couldn t keep that promise). Mum felt and still feels that motorbikes are dangerous, not necessarily because of the rider but because of other road users.
The old Fiat was very slow and underpowered, not what a young bloke really wanted.
I remember one day not long after passing my test, I went for a drive with three of my mates as passengers. I was the first of our group to pass the driving test and have a car. So off we went with all our little heads noddling - you know what I mean, when a group of youngsters are in a car together they re not like adults. They don t sit or act like adults in a car. The rear passengers sit forward and all the people in the car seem to move about a lot with their little heads noddling.
Noddling is something that I now see as a warning sign to be aware that this vehicle may do something unexpected.

Anyway, this day we d decided to journey to the Black Mountains for somewhere to go and as it s not far, we were soon looking up at the mountains. The road quickly became quite steep and we started to climb - well, we tried to start climbing, but the Fiat was having none of it. Try as I might I couldn t get the underpowered, overloaded, poor old Fiat, to go up the mountain. I even tried in reverse but all to no avail. We never got up into the mountains that day, but we did all laugh till it hurt.
The main thing this failed attempt to conquer the mountains told me was that I needed more power. This was critical as we four lads were already booked into a flat in St.Ives, Cornwall, for our summer holiday. This journey would be a round trip of over 450 miles and the Fiat was never going to make it there - let alone get us back again. To be fair to my mates (Oscar, Bill and Gary), they showed the attitude of Let s see how it goes - it ll be an adventure . But I m not sure that s how they truly felt.
I needed more power, I had to get a better car and wow did I get one. A 1964 Mk1 Ford Cortina. It was red with a white stripe down the side, and with 1500 cc of raw throw you back in the seat power, it was jus