The Need to Nurture

Laura Louise

Description

She was a latch key kid learning to protect herself by any method necessary. Her need to nurture manifested as she mended her broken spirit by achieving goals she was told were out of her reach.
A true memoir about childhood trauma, abandonment, and abuse. The Need to Nurture is a truly gut wrenching tale of Laura's experiences with trauma and abuse, but offers respite to readers by finding inspiration in the pain to show that life's difficulties only make us stronger and as we overcome our struggles, we may truly find solace in success

Sujets

• Personal Memoirs
• Biography
• List of Mobile Suit Gundam SEED factions
• Survivor (TV series)
• Autobiography

Informations

• Publié par: Archway Publishing
• Date de parution: 01 mai 2023
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781665742146
• Langue: English

Extrait

THE NEED TO NURTURE
 
BROKEN BY HEARTS OF STEEL, REBUILT BY METAL AND IRON
 
 
 
 
LAURA LOUISE
 

 
 
Copyright © 2023 Laura Louise.
 
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
 
 
 
Archway Publishing
1663 Liberty Drive
Bloomington, IN 47403
www.archwaypublishing.com
844-669-3957
 
Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.
 
Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.
Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.
 
Scripture quotations are taken from The Living Bible copyright © 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
 
ISBN: 978-1-6657-4213-9 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-6657-4212-2 (hc)
ISBN: 978-1-6657-4214-6 (e)
 
Library of Congress Control Number: 2023906473
 
 
 
Archway Publishing rev. date: 04/28/2023
CONTENTS
Acknowledgments
Prologue
Childhood Dreams
Chapter 1     The Need to Nurture
Chapter 2     And Action!
Chapter 3     Soiled Again
Chapter 4     You can Run, but you can’t Hide
Chapter 5     Hell is made of Concrete
Chapter 6     Are you there, God? It’s me, Laura.
Chapter 7     Doctored Lies
Reaching
Chapter 8     Hate me, but love my Children
Chapter 9     Hungry for Death
My Secret Garden
Chapter 10     If You Judge a Book by its Cover, Take a Look at its Mother
Chapter 11     Through the Eyes of a Child
Chapter 12     To Serve and Protect
Chapter 13     The Law of Attraction
Chapter 14     The Nakedness I Feel
Footprints of a Tiny Fairy
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
THE NEED TO NURTURE IS BASED ON THE CHILD’S PERSPECTIVE AND NOT the abuser’s. More often than not, the child becomes the parent and carries the burden of his parent’s toxic behavior as well as guilt. This is not always the case, and many come out strong. This memoir has been written with no malice intended to hurt or point out names. It’s my story of what I’ve experienced and have had to work through. It is by the grace of God that I am here today to write it.
I have left out the name of the characters and places I’ve lived for many reasons, one being that I wish to respect the privacy of all involved as well as leave an open window for anyone who can relate to this book. I pray that my book will somehow show that we can grow from anything if we choose. We can rewrite our story with a little love and encouragement.
I want to thank my loving husband, who has seen my child inside from the day we met. He has held me through all the ups and downs, and even though we have never had a perfect marriage, we have beaten the odds against us by loving and praying for one another. Together we have four amazing children whom I also want to thank for their patience and love, as their mama made many mistakes by trying too hard sometimes. There are so many people I want to thank for their constant love and guiding words of encouragement.
Grandma, I love you. Thank you for showing love to my children. Mother Mary, thank you for seeing me for who I am. Mother Hedwig, you were the living child who loved everyone with a tender heart. Amy, you came into my life for healing, and together we became sisters of steel.
Thank you to Wendy for your friendship and unbiased opinions. Your love for Milo and my dogs makes us family.
Thank you to Bracken, for encouraging me to write this book. His kind direction and support as made a stranger into a friend.
PROLOGUE
WHEN I WAS 19, I WAS IN MY SECOND YEAR AWAY FROM HOME. I WORKED in a hospital as a dietary aid. Although I was considered casual, I worked more hours than a set job schedule. The hours were long, and I could be called in at virtually anytime the hospital needed me. There was not much time for social activities, so I concentrated on getting my online fitness and nutrition courses done between shifts.
During the break, the kitchen staff would all sit down together in the cafeteria. Most of them smoked and talked about the next union meetings. I was so grateful for my wage as I made a lot of money, but the staff never seemed quite happy about their current rate per hour.
During one of our breaks, one of my colleagues mentioned her breast reduction and how painful it had been before the surgery. I, having little to no breast tissue, perked up and asked her the question: “How did you know that you needed surgery?”
She looked at me, “Laura, I asked my doctor at my last physical.”
“Physical? What’s that?” I whispered.
My friend could tell that I was naive and gently placed her hand on my knee. “Laura, have you not had a physical?” she asked.
“No,” I muttered. I was embarrassed, and later on, during the next break, I asked more about it. I didn’t have a family doctor, so I made an appointment with our local clinic.
A few weeks later, I arrived at my appointment with ambivalence. I was afraid of the unknown, but since my friend said it was very routine, I leaned on those words and told myself it was going to be just fine.
I was escorted into a small room that smelled of rubbing alcohol. The nurse sat me down and told me the doctor would be in soon.
I sat for just a few minutes, and then the doctor arrived. He was in his mid-forties, about five-foot-eight inches tall, with creamy brown skin and an accent. In his hand was a chart board, and while he was looking down at it, he told me to strip down, including all undergarments, and wait for his return. I asked him for a robe or gown.
“Use the paper towel next to you,” he instructed before leaving.
The door closed behind him, and I looked down to find the brown piece of paper that was folded into four pieces. As I unfolded it, I realized that this was not going to be enough to cover my body in any way, shape, or form. I proceeded to remove my clothes. As I undressed, my bottom lip quivered as I was alone in a strange room. I had never shown my body to anyone and felt completely vulnerable and terrified. I took the piece of brown paper and placed it over my hunched body as I sat on the cold metal examining table.
With a sudden jerk, the door opened, and the stout little man walked back into the room alone. I asked where the nurse was, and he claimed she had phone duties. I had no idea how it went. I just remembered the ladies at work complaining about their upcoming physical and how cold the tools were. I looked around for any devices that he may use on me.
The sound of the door latching with a firm click rattled me. The hair on my arms stood up as if my body had recognized this feeling before. I didn’t understand these feelings, and with the unknown that I was facing, I felt like I was five again. With one hand on the paper, I grabbed the end of my hair with the other to pull it down. My hair was too short to cover my breasts, but I tried anyway.
“I want you to stand up and face the wall,” he said directly with a soft voice.
I tried to hold onto the brown piece of paper, but it was no use after his next instruction.
“Bend over and touch your toes,” he announced.
My heart jumped two beats, and my throat tightened as I placed my hands on the floor. It was cold in the room and especially cold now that I was in the most horrific position. The room became painfully quiet, and my legs started to shake. After a minute or longer, I gathered enough strength of mind to ask how long I was to stay in this embarrassing position.
“Just a few minutes more,” he projected. “I need to see if your hips align.”
I felt sick as my eyes became blinded by the pool of tears slowly collecting around them. Swallowing harder, I tried to contain them. My hands appeared blurry, and with one single drop, I found that my tears no longer belonged to me. They had escaped and made themselves visible to demonstrate my weakness. My hands were soaked with evidence that I was just a young girl with no power.
Just before I was permitted to stand up, the doctor placed his hands on my hips and said, “There now, your hips are just fine.”
I could feel his hairy knuckles as his hands cascaded up and down my sides. This feeling I was having was all too familiar, but I could not pinpoint it to any certain time.
“Ok, get up and lie down on the table,” the doctor commanded.
I covered my privates with my hands as I often did as I slept. It felt more secure to have my hands there. I lay down on the table, shaking and trembling. My bottom lip quivered as I was cold and very, very naked.
“Open your legs and drop your knees to the side,” he said. With force, as my knees would not drop, he gently pushed my legs apart, coaxing me to relax. It was then that my body became paralyzed from fear. My teeth were chattering from nerves, and with one hand on my thigh, the doctor started to speak.
“You are very tiny down here. Perhaps a virgin?” I couldn’t answer him as my voice was gone. “I’m going to have to use my pinky to get inside now, ok?”
He began to move his finger inside, fishing around and probing. My body quickly straightened as if in shock from an electrical current surging throu