Raising a Smile for Northern Ireland Children's Hospice

Bowen Bailie &, Brian Boone's Bailie

Description

Raising a Smile is so worthwhile,
(And took us ages to compile),
Lots of cartoons, stories and rhymes
(And lots of local grammatical crimes).

So buy this book, it's parful funny,
And you'll help to raise some money
For Northern Ireland Children's Hospice,
A grand wee place for ill kids, so it is.

Sujets

• Humor
• Form
• Verse
• Limerick

Informations

• Publié par: eBookIt.com
• Date de parution: 21 février 2013
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781456608613
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 3 Mo

Extrait

raising
a smile
for
 

 
 
Bowen Bailie
Brian Bailie
Blair Bailie
 


Copyright 2012 Brian Bailie, Blair Bailie, Bowen Bailie
All rights reserved.
 
 
Published in eBook format by eBookIt.com
http://www.eBookIt.com
 
 
ISBN-13: 978-1-4566-0861-3
 
 
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.
 
Introduction
 
This wee book is a collaboration of three big eejits: Bowen, Blair, and Brian Bailie
 
We are: wee son, big son, and dad.

 
We love to read funny rhymes and stories.
Our favourite writers are Dr Suess, and Roald Dahl, and Spike Milligan, and Hillaire Belloc.
 
So one day Bowen said to Brian, “I’d like to write a book.”
And Brian said, “That’s a grand idea. Let’s ask Blair if he’ll help.”
And Blair said, “Sure!”
And now you’re reading it. So it just goes to prove that anything is possible if you put your mind to it.
All these stories and rhymes and pictures are just a whole bunch of stuff that we’ve created for our own amusement over the years; just for a laugh, (instead of watching telly or playing video games).
 
Blair is the best illustrator (because he hardly ever watches telly), so if you see a great picture, it’s his. Brian draws sort of scribbly and simple pictures (because he’s all drawn out). And Bowen still draws like a kid (because he’s just eight).
 
The money that you’ve spent to buy this book goes to help Northern Ireland Children’s Hospice , which is a super place that has helped some of our friends when they were very, very ill, or when their mum and dad needed a wee rest.
 



 
• Last year Northern Ireland Children’s Hospice cared for 232 children with life-limiting conditions .
 
• Over 90% of the care that Northern Ireland Children’s Hospice provides is done within the family home , which is where the child is most comfortable and most familiar. The hospice provides specialist nursing care for these children, so that the rest of the family can go out and do things that need done; things that you and I take for granted. When there is a very ill child in the family, basic things like popping along to the shops or getting a hair-do, becomes very difficult without the specialist support of the hospice.
 
• There are six bedrooms in the hospice, and there is also accommodation for the families of children who are staying there.
 
• Northern Ireland Children’s Hospice has a hydrotherapy pool, a multi-sensory room, and offers lots of complimentary therapies to the children it cares for.
 
• When a family is told that their child is too ill to survive, it is a devastating and daunting time for the whole family. Northern Ireland Children’s Hospice offers support for the whole family through every stage of this journey. The hospice is there for the whole family, listening and respecting their wishes for the care for the child. The hospice isn’t just a luxury for these families: the hospice becomes an indispensible lifeline .
 
• Last year Northern Ireland Children’s Hospice also worked closely to support 155 families who were bereaved . Once a child dies, the hospice continues to provide support for the whole family, to help them through their grieving, for as long as they need.
 
• Northern Ireland Children’s Hospice is the only children’s hospice in Northern Ireland . The hospice receives some funding from the government, but they are still very dependent on the continued kindness and generosity of the local community.
 
 
If you didn’t buy this book, but have borrowed it , or if you wish to help support the hospice, you can make a donation right now at:
www.justgiving.com/nichildrenshospice
 
 
And you can show support on Facebook here:
www.facebook.com/NIHospice
 


 
 
 
Dedicated to the memory of our friends
wee brothers Zak and Conan.
 
Loads of Pumpkins by Brian
 
I had a little pumpkin, I got for Halloween,
I dug it out and carved it up, and it looked really mean.
But I kept all the seeds inside, and stuck them in the muck,
I added lots of water, and some wee-wee just for luck.
 
Then some time later, I went out to have a little look,
To see if there was anything, to give my mum to cook.
Lo and behold, surprised was I, so many had I grown,
I had to call the fire brigade upon my telephone.
 
“Help me, please! Oh help me, I need to eat these pumpkins,
Have you got a sucky thing for sucking lots of junk in?”
“No,” they said, “You’ll have to eat them all up by yourself,
They’re really awfully good for you, and fill you full of health.”
 
So mum made soup and stew and pie and put it on my plate,
And told me not to leave the room until I had it ate.
My belly swelled, my tummy groaned, my bum produced some gasses,
Don’t give me no more pumpkins, please. Next year I’ll just grow grasses.
 
I Have No Buddy by Bowen
 
I'm Mr Lonely,
Just me here only.
I have no buddy.
I miss my buddy,
My buddy has gone away.
My buddy is gone today.
 
I have a wee doggy,
Who gets wet and soggy.
She is called Stinky.
She is fast and very slinky.
She is happy, she is nice,
She is quick and catches mice.
 
My big dog is Slobber,
He’ll bark at a robber.
He likes to chew bones,
And running for stones.
But the stuff in his belly,
Makes farts that are smelly.
 

 
Dorinda’s Goat by Brian
 
One morning on the telephone, there came an urgent call,
Her ladyship was all to-do, like she’d been in a brawl.
“Please help me Brian,” she appealed, “I’ve got an awful pest,
There’s a goat outside who’s awfully cross.” She really was distressed.
 
When I arrived it all looked fine, no sign of goat round here,
But when Dorinda greeted me, the smelly goat appeared.
“I can’t get out. He’s stalking me. I can’t get to my car,
Please take the smelly goat away, somewhere really far.”
 
From Ballywalter Park to home again was several country miles,
And as I walked with goat secured, I earned a lot of smiles.
I walked him home to Roddens Farm and put him in a field,
I called Dorinda on the phone, and she was so relieved.
 
That field had lots of heifers, fat with calf within their tummy,
That goat ate all the bad grass, so the grass he left was yummy.
And so the heifers all kept well because of Billy goat,
(Despite the rancid smell that came from glands around his throat).
 
The heifers, all so fat with calf, to market they were taken,
Off to little Gortin Glen, deep within the Sperrins.
And Billy goat, he travelled too, for he would not be parted,
He would not leave his lady friends; now isn’t that bighearted?
 
But at the sale at Gortin Glen, no farmer bid for Billy,
So he was taken up the road, and left where it was hilly.
The Sperrins are so cold at night, with winds of great severity,
But Billy, he was rescued, to raise funds for local charity.
 
So round the pubs and clubs and bars that goat he went collecting
For a worthy cause, for children who were in need of some protecting.
With Billy’s help, that man he raised an awful lot of money,
So the children (who were all in need), had a future that was sunny.
 
Did Billy like Dorinda ‘cus he knew she was so wealthy?
Did he realise just how well he kept those heifers nice and healthy?
Despite his tatty looks, and pong, and everyone’s assumption.
That goat, he lived to serve a very honourable function.
 

 
Where is Blair? by Bowen
 
Where is Blair with the big hair?
Is he here, or is he there?
Is he round, or is he square?
In a house, or in a lair?
Eating an apple, or a pear?
 
Where is Claire with the small hair?
Is she here, or is she there?
Is she sitting in a chair?
Or floating high up in the air?
And saying a prayer?
 
I see hair, and it's right over there.
It might be Blair, or it might be Claire.
I can’t see, so I'll stand on a chair,
Oh! It is Claire, and she is running with Blair.
They are being chased by a grizzly bear.
 
 

 
The Turkey by Brian
 
Of all the birds so weird and quirky,
The ugliest fowl must be the turkey.
They sometimes like to chase old ladies
To try to steal their jelly-babies.
 
The ladies wearing baggy knickers
Can seal their jelly up with stickers.
This is why their bottoms wobble
When they hear a turkey “Gobble.”
 
 

 
Awkward Wordsearch by Brian
 
They say that puzzles are good for your mind,
But puzzles like this could make you go blind.
Can you find the awkward word
Before your eyes get sore and blurred?
 
 

 
The Vermeskin' Juddleflizzy by Blair
 
Last Febrember mum did say;
"I hope that you're not busy,
'cause if you're not, go out and slay
That vermeskin' Juddleflizzy."
 
Fragoobleized, I flooped in shock
And gippled in surprise.
Puntunctiously I optilocked
As I stazed into her eyes.
 
"Grimblegroobers? Piece of cake!
Greduffalonts; a breeze!
I eat them both at breakfast
With toast and melted cheese.
 
But JUDDLEFLIZZIES?! Don't be daft!
It'll have me morgandurgled!
It'll crickle, spoitle, moich and splurt me
Then have me oinklesplodged and churgled!"
 
"Don't be lazy, glympy boy,
And don't neglifft your chores.
Besides, you ought to go outside;
It's healthier outdoors."
 
So like the fwippy lad I was
I did as I was told.
I was of course obedient
At only eight years old.
 
I clad myself with all my mungle
And troofted through the town
To the Jigadigoobley Jungle
As the townsfolk vult me down.
 
I tringed a path with schtoops and chops
Seeking the devastructious beast
But found only venzileripops
And some snurking stripsnak trees.
 
Within about six donkey's hours
I lotused in a clearing.
While sitting there in silence
I sensed the schnipster nearing...
 
BOOM-SHAKALAKA! CRRKDOOSH-CRACK! ROARRRRR!
The horpetrifibubble Juddleflizzy had me pinned against the fl