Nightingale Songs

Kendra Frazier

Description

In Nightingale Songs, survivors of domestic violence share their personal stories and professionals talk about their involvement in this challenging field and what their experiences have taught them. This book provides useful information for those considering working in the field of domestic violence (DV), especially the importance of self-care, and will speak to anyone whose life has been personally touched by domestic violence. Private stories are revealed for the purpose of raising public awareness about violence in the home. Kendra presents DV as a social issue, needing to be understood and addressed at the community level. The diversity of stories reflect Singaporean society, illustrating that this social problem is not limited to one class or ethnic group but crosses all boundaries of race, religion, education and socio-economic background.

Sujets

• Domestic violence

Informations

• Publié par: MarshallCavendishM
• Date de parution: 01 septembre 2011
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9789814408820
• Langue: English

Extrait

NIGHTINGALE
SONGS
NIGHTINGALE
SONGS
Survival Stories
From
Domestic Violence
Kendra
Copyright 2011 Marshall Cavendish International (Asia) Private Limited
Design by Bernard Go Kwang Meng.
Cover image courtesy of Asif Akbar (asifthebes/SXC.hu)
Published by Marshall Cavendish Editions
An imprint of Marshall Cavendish International
1 New Industrial Road, Singapore 536196
All rights reserved
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the copyright owner. Request for permission should be addressed to the Publisher, Marshall Cavendish International (Asia) Private Limited, 1 New Industrial Road, Singapore 536196. Tel: [phone], Fax: [phone].
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The publisher makes no representation or warranties with respect to the contents of this book, and specifically disclaims any implied warranties or merchantability or fitness for any particular purpose, and shall in no events be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damage, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages.
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Marshall Cavendish is a trademark of Times Publishing Limited
National Library Board Singapore Cataloguing in Publication Data
Kendra, 1963-
Nightingale songs : survival stories from domestic violence / Kendra. - Singapore :
Marshall Cavendish Editions, c2011.
p. cm.
eISBN : 978-981-4408-82-0
1. Family violence - Singapore. 2. Spousal abuse - Singapore.
3. Victims of family violence - Singapore. 4. Family counselors - Singapore. 5. Social workers - Singapore. 6. Family social work - Singapore. I. Title.
HV6626.23
362.8292095957 -- dc22 OCN747090525
Printed in Singapore by Fabulous Printers Pte Ltd
F OR MY SON , R AJA ,
AND FOR EVERY CHILD .

Remember you are always free to choose what you believe about yourself and what you believe has power. Your beliefs become your thoughts, Your thoughts become your words, Your words become your actions, Your actions become your habits, Your habits become your values, Your values become your destiny. - Mahatma Gandhi
Contents
Acknowledgements
Autobiography In Five Short Chapters
Opening Remarks
What Is Abuse?
Akshaya
Benny
Lin
Kumar
Nora
Yu Ming
Kemala
Hamidah
Bob
Wing Cheong
Unknown Offender
Kerry
The Four Sisters
Sukhwinder
Angie
Elisabetta
Concluding Remarks
A Guide On Dealing With Family Violence: Everyone deserves a safe, violence-free home
About The Author
Acknowledgements
My heartfelt gratitude goes to Kerry Wilcock whose support and knowledgeable input was incremental in imagineering this book project and bringing it to fruition. Kerry you were my rock and compass and I thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Deepest appreciation also goes to all those who agreed to be interviewed on this sensitive and personal topic. I wish that your stories help carve a better future, in whatever ways, big or small, for those who read these pages and for all citizens of Singapore. I was profoundly touched by each and every interview - by your honesty, trust, fortitude, commitment and willingness to share. You are deserving of Singapore s respect and I thank you most sincerely for your courageous contributions.
I would also like to express thankfulness to AWARE, especially Margaret Thomas, for showing confidence in this project and for devoting time and energy to help bring it all together. Likewise, I greatly appreciate the time and attention Corinna Lim devoted to the AWARE chapter, providing practical tips and other valuable information for Singaporean readers. Without AWARE, the subject matter contained in these pages may not have come to public light. I am so very pleased that AWARE s leadership recognized the potential power of these stories and was willing to get involved.
With equal appreciation, I would like to acknowledge Marshall Cavendish and, specifically, Lee Mei Lin who believed in the importance of this project and had the trust and patience to see it through to its completion.
And, last but certainly not least, I would like to thank my husband and children for their understanding and support, and for the many hours they honoured my engagement with this material. You allowed me to pursue my goal from start to finish without complaint and with much tolerance, what can I say except, I love you and feel blessed!

Kendra
September 2011
Unity is a powerful virtue and it brings great strength. Unity is inclusiveness. It brings people together. We see our commonality without devaluing our differences. We experience our connectedness with all people and all life. Unity frees us from the divisiveness of prejudice and heals our fears. We refuse to engage in conflict, seeking peace in all circumstances. Unity comes when we value every person, in our family or in our world. The joy of one is the joy of all. The hurt of one is the hurt of all. The honour of one is the honour of all. - The Virtues Project *

* Excerpt on Unity from Virtues Reflection Cards by permission of Virtues Project International, www.virtuesproject.com
Autobiography In Five Short Chapters
BY P ORTIA N ELSON *
I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn t my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.
II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don t see it.
I fall in again.
I can t believe I am in the same place
but, it isn t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it s a habit.
my eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
V
I walk down another street.

* Autobiography in Five Short Chapters Copyright 1993, by Portia Nelson, from the book There s a Hole in My Sidewalk. Reprinted with permission from Beyond Words Publishing, Hillsboro, Oregon.
Opening Remarks
In a multicultural society like Singapore, where respect for family privacy and tolerance of cultural differences are highly valued, people might hesitate to enter into dialogue about intimate matters such as family violence. Viewed from a human rights perspective, however, the international community offers universal statements pertinent to this subject. A brief read through The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child leaves no doubt that all societies have an obligation to protect their children from harm, whether danger be found in the streets, in schools or in the privacy of their homes. To safeguard our world s most vulnerable populations, the nations of the world have agreed in writing that:
Article 19 (Protection from all forms of violence): Children have the right to be protected from being hurt and mistreated, physically or mentally. Governments should ensure that children are properly cared for and protect them from violence, abuse and neglect by their parents, or anyone else who looks after them. In terms of discipline, the Convention does not specify what forms of punishment parents should use. However any form of discipline involving violence is unacceptable. There are ways to discipline children that are effective in helping children learn about family and social expectations for their behaviour - ones that are non-violent, are appropriate to the child s level of development and take the best interests of the child into consideration. In most countries, laws already define what sorts of punishments are considered excessive or abusive. It is up to each government to review these laws in light of the Convention. 1
Engaging with the topic of domestic violence takes us one step in the direction of finding ways to better protect our children. For those of us not directly impacted by violence in the home, the manner in which we approach the subject plays a critical role in our ability to understand this hidden suffering. Do we address it as an external issue, a problem those other people have? And, if so, who are those people ? Are they deserving in some way of their torment? A premise of this book is that families plagued by violence belong as much to society as anyone else. I would ask the reader to stay open to the possibility that stories of abuse have something to teach us about ourselves, our own families and the society we live in. I hope that by engaging with these stories compassionately, the reader will be encouraged to reflect on his or her own family and the degree to which its members are respected and honoured, be they male, female, old or young. On a passive-aggressive continuum, violent control resides at one end of the scale with neglectful passivity at the other. A relationship of mutual trust, respect and functional communication resides in the balanced middle - a fine balance, I might suggest. It is my hope that by shining some light on a more obscure end of the scale, we might gain insight into the nature of the scale itself and perhaps discover ways that we, today, can help families of the future bring more balance to their lives and, therefore, to society as a whole.
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